Focus

Nearly three months ago, I sat down and began to think about how I wanted to focus my attentions and actions this year.  I read a blog post recommended by a friend, and decided that I liked the idea of choosing words of intention rather than making resolutions for the year.  Each August, I purchase a piece of jewelry from K. Robbins, and that sets my focus for the next twelve months, so I knew instantly what my first word would be. 

Joy.

That seems to me, a self explanatory word.  Who doesn’t want more joy in their life?  And putting that thought forward and moving your directions in that action can only bring good things, right?  Thinking about the others took a bit more time, but I came up with them during the first week of the year.  The next word?

Self. 

Sort of as in selfish. . .but in a good way.  Too often I put myself out for others, and forget to feed Tanya.  Without giving to myself, how can I feel full and complete joy?  I knew that I needed to focus on myself mentally, spiritually, physically, and artistically.  Time was being spent on others, but not so much on me.  Gifts were being shared with others, but I wasn’t doing enough to honor myself.  Two thousand and twelve would be that year.  I had chosen two of my words.

But what about the third?  I auditioned many, and kept coming back to “finish”.  I rolled that around for awhile, liking many of the ideas that came to mind, but felt it was a bit limiting. . .finish what?  Finish how? What do I do when I am finished?  Was there another way to say, “get it done” without being so final?

Complete.

I liked it.  Done.  Whole.  Applicable to so many arenas of my life.  That was it.  My third word.

I planned this blog post in my head a hundred times.  I worked on these goals.  Focused my actions.  I ignored the blog.  Not because I didn’t want to write, but because I didn’t have time.

We thought by asking a family member to live with us, we’d have joy in our lives, we’d feel complete.  Instead, we had frustrations and a tenant that stayed for a short time, but took up nearly two months of our energy.

Work spiraled from being busy and challenging to being out of control and demanding.

I was sick.

Our sick cat got sicker.

Deadlines for publication pushed me to knit more than I should, and there was an overuse injury.

Basically life happened.  We all have periods of our lives where we cannot imagine how we have muscled through and completed all that we have.  I think the last three months have been that for me.  I look at the calendar, and cannot believe that I’ll be turning the page to April in a couple of days.  The year 2012 is one fourth complete.  Complete.

Joy.  Self.  Complete.

I have found myself emptying my plate for the last couple of weeks.  Removing responsibilities, and making room for Joy.  Making room for Self.  Striving to feel Complete.

There have been lessons learned, for sure.  And I still believe that my three words are the right ones.  It’s time to see what the second quarter will bring in terms of how I will grow, and who I will become.  It hasn't been a bad beginning to the year, just one more challenging than I ever would have suspected when the clock struck midnight on December 31.

I have been knitting more lately, and reading for pleasure.  I am feeling more myself.  I suspect I’ll be writing more too—so for the few of you who check in here wondering when I’ll post again, it may be sooner than later.

I leave home in a few hours for a much needed break, and hope to have a lot of things to share with those who pop in to see how I’m doing.  I suspect there will be plenty of joy in the next week, and I’ll come home feeling a bit more complete.  I’ll be taking care of self.

I hope that this first bit of 2012 has been treating you well, and that your resolutions are not long forgotten.  I’d love to know what you’ve been up to.

Peace